I know I’m like super late to the game, but the second episode ending with a long shot of the fucking kitchen stove was ominous.  SYLVIA PLATH OMINOUS.

then I went to imdb to look an actor up, and immediately was like “FUCK THAT’S SAFFRON” and then immediately after “FUCK THAT’S CONNOR.”

Been talking to a girl online.  Like, talking to her on the phone a whole fuck of a lot.  I like her a lot, but she’s a ten hour drive from where I live.  So… yeah.  I’m almost certainly going to lose interest, even though there’s nothing around here for my interest to latch onto, and i’m gonna feel like a dick.  True story.

Gotta get through tomorrow, then get through Tuesday, and I get to go to therapy Tuesday afternoon.  Not long to go.

Warhammer’s out on Thursday.  Gonna play with some old internet friends.  I’m excited.  Kind of excited.  It might suck.

“If wishes were fishes, we’d all cast nets” is common.  “If wishes were fishes, beggars would ride” is also common.  But apparently nobody but my mom (and now me) says “if wishes were fishes, we’d all ride our horses to San Francisco.”

But now google will have evidence that somebody says it!  Someday my kids will find my anonymous blog.  The one where I talk shit about their mom, years from now.

And, I mean, it’s a lost cause at this point.  I emailed her this afternoon, and I’ll just wait for her to contact me.  But I figure I fucked up somehow, and now I just need to accept that a girl I liked didn’t like me that much in return, and that’s fucking life.

It’s just one thing on top of another.  It’s hard meeting people right now, harder even than it was when I was an undergrad.  I don’t have any friends up here.  The only friend I really had was B, and I stopped talking to her because it was unhealthy for both of us.

But now I’m talking to no one at all.  And my depression’s been just terrible the past week.  I’ve cried several times, in fact I’m tearing up right now thinking about all this social shit.  And I’ve got more on top of it.  I have to go to Chicago next weekend, and I haven’t gotten my suit repaired (I ripped a seam in the pants because I’ve gained weight since I bought it), and I haven’t gotten anything drycleaned.  I’ll have to do it on Tuesday and have all that stuff ready by Friday.  It’s gonna suck.

And then I have to drive, alone, to Chicago.  For one interview.  And hang out by myself in an expensive hotel room and.. mope, I guess.  At least I’ll get to go to the Chicago Museum of Art.  I really like it there.

God, I’m just so fucking depressed right now.  If things don’t get better, this is gonna be a rough fucking year.  I’m going to schedule an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday while I take care of my suit stuff.  I just can’t foresee it helping that much.  I feel like I’m just struggling to make it to the next time I have class, because my classes are the only thing pulling me forward through each day.  Thank god law school started, at least.

I went to Kroger last night to buy a screwdriver, because it’s in walking distance and I hate driving while all the students are on the road (undergrad classes start next Tuesday), and on the way some guy leaned out of the back of a car driving past me to yell “NICE SHIRT, CHOAD!”  And then there weren’t any screwdrivers at Kroger.

I seriously got back to my apartment and just cried in my bed for like fifteen minutes.  I also couldn’t sleep last night, getting like five hours after a while I think.  I need to take some stuff to get drycleaned today, which is gonna suck because that definitely requires driving.  And I need sleep.  I might put it off until tomorrow afternoon, and just crash this afternoon.  I fucking need sleep.

I always get so nervous, about shit I have no control over.  This time, I’m really hoping I make friends better than I did last year.  Friends that actually invite me to shit.  I dunno.

Weirdly enough, in my tossing and turning last night, I thought of 7th grade, when I actually had a group of friends I spent a lot of time with.  I don’t know if anyone really like me, but I remember hanging out at my friend David’s house all the damn time.  And his *mom* liked me.  I mean, not perverted into a 12 year old liked me, but she was really nice and apparently preferred me to the other little jerks in that circle.

I d’know.  I wish I had more friends now, even if they were little jerks again.

As a result, I got 400 thread count sheets instead of 200.  I’m going to sleep in LUXURY.  Sweet, satiny LUXURY.

Anyway, we had a large number of beers and I got roped into telling stories, which always… mur.  I hope I’m entertaining as I think I am while telling stories about circumcisions and shit.  Anyway, I think her mom liked me, and M still seems to like me and… so.

Classes begin Wednesday.  I’m fucking super-excited.  I’m taking criminal procedure: investigation, evidence, sales, and then legal professions and appellate advocacy on Monday and Wednesday nights.  Crim pro is with my property professor, who was weird and abrasive but fun to learn from, and she obviously cared more about her poli/law study area than property, and this falls squarely in the area she studied and continues to study.  Fourth and fifth amendment stuff, police abuse of discretion, and so on.

The rest of my classes should be fine — I’m actually really excited about evidence just because it’s such a huge part of actually litigating, which I want to do.  A lot.  I want to be a lawyer-lawyer, with suspenders and a drawl.

I mean, not my first choice, but definitely the most ENTERTAINING choice.  He’s basically Dick Cheney but liberal and less up front about being super-bald

now if mccain will just pick huckabee, this year will be SUPER FUN FOR EVERYONE.

Had a dream last night that I was watching a music video on  like VH1 Classic or whatever, and it was a hair band singing a song that had the Imperial March as the underlying tune, and the video was set in Soviet California, with like pizza shops and communist monuments everywhere.

It was the most awesomely 80s-tastic music video ever made, and it was all in my head.  I think it’s because I watched the video for “Go West” sometime last week.

So I expressed my frustration with their “hobby” categorization and smeared on lipstick.  And that’s what I remember of the dream.

This is the first crossdressing dream I can remember having, but sadly it’s far, far from the first dream about buying gaming supplies.  I r lame.